A Fine Brandi

Honestly...!

ATTENTION WORLD:

Amy Lee is not the only woman in Rock 'n Roll.










...at least, I think she's not. But I'll check on that and get back to you.

It's hooooot in Topeka.

I'm exactly where you like me, you know...

So I have found two new contenders for the favorite rockstar pretty boy pseudo-divas of my heart.

Let me start by saying that Davey Havok is, and always will be, the prettiest boy in Rock 'n Roll.

One has only to watch any music video that A Fire Inside has ever produced and they will see that Davey Havok, along with being majestically beautiful, has quite a stage presence. He knows how to work the camera. And recently, I couldn't help but laugh to myself when I watched the newest AFI video for Miss Murder, their new single off of their recently-released album Decemberunderground. Within the first minute, Davey's already primping in front of a mirror, and looking quite beautiful while doing it as he flirts with the camera, striking 'Vogue' poses and giving the viewer his best bedroom eyes. I tell you, he does it like no woman ever could.

However, pretty-rock-frontman in very-theatrical-video seems to be the fashion lately, as I have noticed a recent increase in cosmetic use by alt-rock lead singers that would make any Procter & Gamble stockholder cream his pants and videos with plotlines that would make a cineaste's lip curl. Case in point number one:

30 Seconds to Mars frontman Jared Leto.

Jared Leto rose to fame as an actor, so it's pretty much implied that any video he does is going to be at least semi-dramatic. The video for 30 Sec.'s current single The Kill, however, is actually a very entertaining homage to Kubrick's The Shining. In fact, I have to laugh at this one: it actually just came on MTV2 as I'm writing this. The video begins with Leto's giving some very ominous exposition, then picks up again quickly with Leto, clad in a tuxedo, tails, and white gloves, eyes rimmed in kohl, singing directly to the camera.

I'll admit, when I first saw 30 Seconds to Mars in concert with Incubus back in 2003, I thought they sucked. They were a dull opening act, and their music didn't have enough energy behind it. Still, if you bought a copy of their CD, they would autograph it for you, and so I did what any wide-eyed 14-year-old would do; I bought it. Looking back on it, of course, I will never be able to let go of all the regret for the fact that I was A FOOT AWAY from Jared Leto and didn't even appreciate it. Now, after some time in the studio, their back with engaging rock that one can really appreciate, and I am a huge fan of their new sound. But back to what I was saying.

Jared Leto is certainly a beautiful man. He has the most amazing eyes, and the video producers refused to let this slip by when they captured plenty of overhead shots with doe-eyed Leto crooning into the camera. His too-black-to-be-natural hair is sideswept perfectly. The climax of the video only confirms his diva status, as a shirt-and-jeans clad Leto confronts a tuxedo-and-tails Leto, thrusting him against the wall as the tuxedo Leto throws his hands up and they scream the lyrics of the song at each others' faces. Who knew that one personality could be a top and one personality could be a bottom? It's sexy in a very, very disturbing way.

(As a side note, the video also features what one would, if we're still going in the same vein of the video, two halves of the same woman kissing each other on the lips. Earlier in the video, one of the other bandmembers is skating down the hallway when he peeks in to see a life-size teddy bear kneeling in front of a bed before a tuxedo-clad bandmember leans forward, the bear's head parallel to his lap. I am aware that there has been speculation as to Leto's sexuality, and this video is, you must admit, sending some pretty homoerotic messages. Still, it doesn't fail to be entertaining.)

There is also another pretty-frontman that deserves some recognition. Because where would the right-here, right-now rock scene be without the band that every I-liked-them-before-they-sold-out hipster loves to hate, Panic! at the Disco and their pretty lead singer, Brendon Urie.

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like Brendon Urie is using the magical medium of the music video to explore every acid-induced sexual fantasy he's ever had. Take, for one thing, Panic!'s recent hit, "I Write Sins, not Tragedies." I, myself, as an aspiring circus performer, love the concept: a circus troupe crashes a wedding where the bride is rumored to be less-than-faithful. What a beautiful wedding, croons Brendon, What a beautiful wedding says a brideman to LYRIC. Enter the lovely Mr. Urie, clad in a ringmaster's costume that looks like it was coordinated with pieces found at Goodwill, Victoria's Secret, and David Bowie's closet. He doesn't waste time in proceeding to make love to the screen, and, in the end, proves himself to be the real star of the video, bowler hat and all.

But you thought that would be enough, right? No, of course not. Panic!'s next installment proves to be even more epic, more theatrical, and a bigger chance for Brendon to strut his struff; "But It's Better If You Do" is a love story set in a ritzy, gilded 1940s speakeasy strip club. The video begins with a deep-voiced Brendon parodying sitcoms of the era in black and white, as his beautiful, but bathroom-clad wife begs him to stay home from "dinner with his friends." Whilst tying his bow tie, he tells her off, and slams the door as he exits the apartment, only to walk into the now-color street while he locks eyes with the camera and slowly, delicious removes his bow tie. Loosing his shirt, he approaches the door to the club and knocks, entering a world of beautiful, feathered women and burly bouncers in sequined Mardi-Gras masks. Scenes of Panic! in similar ceramic masks are incut with dancing by a bunch of uber-sexy 1940s strippers with big boobs. And what do you know--the sexiest, prettiest, most-feathered stripper of all happens to be giving Brendon the same bedroom look that he ensnares the camera with. They escape to a private room, just as the club is being busted by the police, and as Brendon takes off his mask to reveal his cosmetically-perfected face, the stripper takes off her mask to reveal that she's... his wife! It was a scenario I predicted from the first, but it's fun to watch, and, after a small altercation, the final snot of the video leaves them making out in the back of the police car.

Throughout the video, of course, Brendon is once again the featured actor, from his authentic, ribbon-adorned wardrobe to his painted masks, and his carefully dramatic performance is front and center.

And, for all my bitching, it's a trend that I'm starting to like. After all, if something has to be popular, it could at least involve a bunch of pretty boys in makeup, right? Oh yeah. :)

PS: Yo' Momma joke of the day: "Yo momma's so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car he asks her to get out." (Oooooooooooh snap, son!)